Michael Yaki, Blogger, San Francisco Gate
Wherein the author decries the cowardly actions of two depraved, ignorant and— worst of all—callous fools. But what else could we expect from the offspring of a man who has set new records for egomania and imbecility in the entire pantheon of worthless plutocrats that disgrace this nation?—Eds
LEFT: “HUNTER” Donald Jr. with his elephant. He’s holding the severed tail of the pachyderm he just murdered with no risk and considerable help. Guess it makes him feel like a “real” man.
I was reading today that the slaughter of African elephants is reaching record levels. The World Wildlife Fund reports that the last remaining elephant herds in Cameroon are on the brink of extinction from marauding poachers from the Sudan (George Clooney, where are you?) and Chad. The elephants, officials report, are being hunted with grenade launchers and high-powered rifles, making the land leviathans relatively easy prey. The elephants, killed for their ivory for markets in China and Thailand, are poorly protected in their preserve by sparse numbers of Cameroon soldiers. Soon, the area will be barren of elephants.
And then I see that the spawn of the Donald are shown holding trophies of their recent hunting expedition to Africa, including an elephant. Like the pachyderm-assassin CEO of GoDaddy.com, the Trump Boys defend their blood sport by saying they donate all the meat to the villagers. You wonder if, instead of fly-ridden meat, the amount of money the Trumplets spent on their expedition were donated to a single village to say, dig a well, or buy new seedcrops would have been better spent, but then we would be derided as liberal PETA-loving vegans who would roll over to the Taliban.
The moral decay of the Roman Empire, some historians say, began with the ever-increasing demand of the populace for entertainment, which almost always involved large quantities of blood from donors of various species, including human, being spilled onto the sandy floor of the Colosseum or other equivalent arena. Slaves/gladiators, prisoners, hostages, or just some unlucky fool were thrown to toothsome beast or sharpened sword with a pre-ordained finish. If you were lucky enough to be a gladiator, survival meant killing your opponent and living to fight another day. But the rich, the aristocracy, were touched only if they were close enough to the action to be hit with the blood spatter.
In this case the Trump boys are no better than the Caesars and praetors of the past. There is no sport in hunting an animal whose only defense is if you are foolish enough to approach within charging distance (and alone, since they are usually accompanied by even better-armed “guides”), especially if you are equipped with the latest high-velocity rifle firing an explosive charge. There is no skill in the kill either, no matter what they may say, since a fast-loading rifle (and don’t forget the armed guides) can miss or hit a low-value target on an elephant and still be shot again and again enough times to, well, bring down an elephant.
Which brings me to the Hunger Games. I am a fan of the books, even if, at the very end (spoiler alert!) I was so depressed that I wanted to throw myself off a ledge (albeit, a very low one). But the central tenent of the Hunger Games, as all Tributes know (another spoiler alert), is that a desperate and corrupt central government — the Capital — uses the Games as a means of enforcing control on a weak and scattered post-apocalypse America. The Tributes are brought to the Capital for training, but they have no idea what weapons, if any, will be afforded them until the Games actually begin — and even then, it is (more spoiler alert!) a luck of the draw as to whether a weapon they want is available and not taken by a competitor. Katniss, the heroine of the stories, is skilled with the bow but (spoiler alert) it takes a lucky break for her to finally get her hands on her chosen weapon.
If the Trump boys and the CEO of GoDaddy.com want to show their real hunting prowess, put them in a Hunger Games scenario. Drop them in the middle of the bush with no weapons readily at hand. Do it at night, when hyenas and lions are most active. Let them find some limited weapons, and then figure out how to use them. After all, the Junior Donald tweeted “I AM A HUNTER.” So hunt. Go kill an animal for meat, and you might find a pack of hyenas and lions surrounding you, attracted by the scent of blood. Sleep in a tree, and a leopard might climb it and use one of you as a midnight snack. Figure out how to get to a water source that doesn’t kill you both with bacteria or a waiting crocodile. And see if you survive a week. (Note how I am being magnanimous as a Gamemaker and not pitting you against other HUNTERS or, worse, each other) And if you are lucky, rather than just donate the bullet-ridden carcass of some unfortunate beast to some starving villagers, why not reward them (especially if they take pity on your plight and help you survive), as the Capital does in the Hunger Games, with a year’s worth of food — not just what they can eat before the heat rots what’s left. Or does that wealth redistribution make me a commie, or worse, a Democrat?
Show the world what a real HUNTER would do without a luxury safari “package” coddling you at every turn. And beam the HD images directly to your loved ones waiting anxiously in their Park Avenue digs. Hell, broadcast it like they do throughout Panem. Your dad may find it profitable to put it on the sportsbook at one of his Atlantic City casinos. And may the odds be ever in your favor.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael Yaki is an attorney and political consultant with heavy links to the Democratic party, having counseled Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama—sins for which we will suspend penalty on account of his having shown some decency decrying the fate of the elephants. We only wish he used those golden connections to get Obama to do something worthwhile to save some animals instead of just facilitating the neocolonization of Africa by the American imperium.
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Hell, just put ’em on the streets of any downtrodden city for a few nights without food, money, or shelter. See what kind of resources – and balls – they can summon for THAT safari.
Let them suffer the daily humiliations, large and small, that so many have to fight through just to get a keep a toehold in a downward slide. What wretched, warped souls and foul morals they must have to see the grandeur of nature, and want to take it down. For what? What do they derive from these abominations?
The hunting “disease” is inbred in many people. It cuts across all social classes, which is rather disturbing. In great measure, it’s also that the media do not tackle this issue head on as they are compromised by their owners’ values who are indifferent or friendly to such “traditions”. So these excrescences continue, and in Africa they take advantage of the eternal chaos, war and corruption that keep so many people in desperate poverty they’ll do anything to stay one step ahead of starvation. So nature and the animals end up paying the price. As usual. Those who can least… Read more »
I love that idea of putting the Trumps in the Hunger Games. I can think of a few others…Ted Nugent anyone?