A Presidential Sized Confession

By Tommy Hormung, What Could Possibly Go Wrong

Sasha, Malia, first I want to tell you how much I loved you.  You two were the reason I did much of what I did.  I always just wanted to be sure you two and your children had a safe and secure future.

On this 50th anniversary of the last year of my first term in office, this letter is scheduled to find its way to your hands to explain my actions.  The year is now 2062, and you both are now in the last third of your lives. I have long ago left this world, after a long, wonderful, and exciting life. But of everything I have ever done, my proudest achievement was that I left you and your heirs, financially wanting for nothing for the rest of your lives.

By now you must see that climate change is having a severe impact on the planet.  We knew this was inevitable, because of how our economy had been set up.  We had to keep growth going for as long as possible, so your mother and I, and my large financial backers, could gather enough financial security to protect our heirs from the coming catastrophes. I know this is not fair to most people on the planet, but this is the way the world was setup. It was like this long before I came along, and although I was President, the true power that put me there made it impossible for me to change it.  I hope you understand.  Thankfully because of these fortunes, (and no estate tax). you and your children, along with others in our class can safely live anywhere on the planet that still has a survivable climate.

Besides financial wealth we have done other things to be sure your future is secure.  We know that climate change, and declining water, oil, and food resources would make for turbulent times, so we secured the future of our ruling class by rescinding the bill of rights and instituting marshal law for anyone worth $100,000,000 or less.  Anyone who ever attempts to harm any of you, or even make you feel uncomfortable in any way, will be dealt with harshly and quickly.  You have my word on that.

We have done our best to document the natural world on high def video, audio, and were possible we have even captured those intoxicating smells of our once great forests and jungles. We also did our best to collect as many animals as possible in the national zoo, so that our class’s future generations can experience the world as it was before the coming great mass extinction.  (I wonder how far along it is as you read this?).

We have done all this at great difficulty and expense to make you and those of our status secure for generations to come.  Yes, billions have to suffer in severe poverty for our class to prosper as well has it has, but that is just the way of the world, and it was beyond me to even attempt to change it.

Enjoy your lives. I always loved you, and your children more than anything else.   Give my best to the Kennedys, the Boehners, the McConnels and the Romneys.   I know they will be great comfort and company to you all in your secure compound aptly named “American Freedom”.  Remember to tell your children that “American Freedom’s” high walls, armed guards, and drones are meant to keep others out, and not to keep them in.  It is important that they understand that.

Love always
Your Father , Barak…

“Hey wadda you got over dare, Wayne?”  “I dunno, a bunch a junk and some kind of written.”  Wayne yelled back to Buddy.  Neither one could read all that well.  Most people in the 22nd century just had a minimum of home schooling.

“It looks like somebody named Barak wrote somethin to a couple a girls”.  “You recognize any of those names Wane?”  Buddy asked.  “Nope, notta one.”  Wayne quipped.  Then he added,  “This place been empty since da great drought a 2060.  Day say all da 1%ers that lived here just dried up an blewed away back den”.

“Wadda you wana do with all this junk?”  asked Wayne.  Buddy told Wayne, “Aint nothin wort keepen here.  Put da stuff dat burns in a big pile, den light it on fire use’n da letter”.  “It’ll help keep the ghosts of the 1%ers away!”

They both chuckled as the letter burned.

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