The Fact-Checked Adventures of Brian Williams

BY MEDIA CRITIQUES

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) — The fact-checking department at NBC News has verified that the following anecdotes told by Brian Williams actually happened.

1. In August of 2003, I boarded a helicopter to Steven Spielberg’s house in East Hampton. Once we were up in the air, I was alarmed to discover that there was no bottled water on board. I commanded the pilot to make an emergency landing.

SEE OUR APPENDIX FOR BRIAN WILLIAMS’S EMBARRASSING ADMISSION OF LYING WHILE REPORTING FROM IRAQ


2. In November of 2007, I boarded a Cadillac Escalade to attend the annual gala of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Not until I arrived at my destination did I realize that the driver had closed the door on my Armani coat. I was able to have it successfully dry-cleaned, but that was a close one.

3. In March of 1998, I fell asleep on my tanning bed. I could have been burnt to a crisp. Fortunately, I woke up in the nick of time, but the people at the spa had needlessly endangered me. I started going to a new spa.

4. In May of 2011, the elevator in my building suffered an equipment malfunction en route to my penthouse. I was stuck talking to a tax attorney for seven minutes before I was rescued.

5. While in Sochi for the Olympics last year, I ordered dinner from room service. I don’t know if it was the oysters or the caviar, but something had gone bad. I was hurling all night.

6. In December of last year, I had to attend a live broadcast of “Peter Pan.” It was worse than I expected, but I was trapped for two hours with no way out.


 

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Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.



appendix


EXCLUSIVE REPORT

NBC’s Brian Williams recants Iraq story after soldiers protest

By Travis J. Tritten |  Stars and Stripes | Published: February 4, 2015

What is $1 a month to support one of the greatest publications on the Left?