Today’s Caitlin Johnstone article has been replaced with a breaking news story by the National News Conglomerate. NNC: Obey.
In what is being hailed as yet another major advancement for gender equality following women’s recent rise to the top of both the military-industrial complex and the CIA, new data indicates that for the first time in history women comprise the majority of seal fur employees paid to bash baby seals in the head with clubs to sell their hides, and four out of the top five CEOs in the industry are female.
“We’re not riding in the passenger seat anymore, sisters!” exclaimed Adrianna VanHoven at a recent conference where she was named Chief Executive Officer of leading seal fur exporter KlitchCo Furs, adding, “I am thrilled to be part of an exciting movement towards true gender equality where anyone, whether they identify as male, female or non-binary, can pick up a club and bash an infant seal right in the fucking face for money.”
“Yaaaaass queen!” tweeted Senator Elizabeth Warren in response to VanHoven’s speech, with a picture of herself holding an unopened bottle of beer to her lips.
All three CIA directorates will now be headed by women https://t.co/hKzlQaVpOu
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All three CIA directorates will now be headed by women https://t.co/hKzlQaVpOu
— Rachel Maddow MSNBC (@maddow) January 5, 2019
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The military-industrial complex is now run by women. https://t.co/Ppa32f9hUO
— MSNBC (@MSNBC) January 3, 2019
“We’re seeing an environment where women are able to rise to the top in any field, so long as they’re just as willing to export weapons, stage coups, and club as many baby seals in the head as their male counterparts,” said Karen Plum, professor of gender studies at UC Berkeley. As the public becomes comfortable with the fact that women are just as capable of ending life for profit as men are, we’re seeing a corresponding rapid emergence of a new paradigm in which gender inequality is becoming a thing of the past. Women are learning that as long as they’re willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead, and if they’re able to shut off that weak, worthless part of themselves which feels and empathizes, they are not limited by their gender in the things they are capable of achieving.”
The dominance of women in the seal fur industry has not been without its critics, however. Nancy Applebaum of Trenton, New Jersey recently posted a video on Facebook which has since gone viral questioning whether the rise of women to the top of violent and destructive careers is anything to cheer about.
“I just kind of think a lot of these jobs don’t actually help anyone or accomplish anything useful,” Applebaum told NNC. “It seems like all this equality talk is just to help people feel good about continuing to do absolutely horrible things. What good is killing a baby seal for its fur? What good is dominating the military-industrial complex? What good is leading the CIA? Is that really what we want feminism to be about? The equal right to make billionaires richer at the expense of terrestrial life? Women taking over jobs that were created by men out of the very worst male impulses? Shouldn’t feminism be about changing the system which values such violent and sociopathic career paths?”
“Well actually, the system is basically fine the way it is,” interjected Applebaum’s husband Will. “The economy is growing, women are getting more money, and everyone’s doing great. Feminism is actually about maintaining that perfect system while teaching women how to thrive in it. Now come to bed.”
“Yes dear,” Applebaum replied.
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Caitlin Johnstone is a brave journalist, political junkie, relentless feminist, champion of the 99 percent. And a powerful counter-propaganda tactician.
Parting shot—a word from the editors
The Best Definition of Donald Trump We Have Found
In his zeal to prove to his antagonists in the War Party that he is as bloodthirsty as their champion, Hillary Clinton, and more manly than Barack Obama, Trump seems to have gone “play-crazy” -- acting like an unpredictable maniac in order to terrorize the Russians into forcing some kind of dramatic concessions from their Syrian allies, or risk Armageddon.However, the “play-crazy” gambit can only work when the leader is, in real life, a disciplined and intelligent actor, who knows precisely what actual boundaries must not be crossed. That ain’t Donald Trump -- a pitifully shallow and ill-disciplined man, emotionally handicapped by obscene privilege and cognitively crippled by white American chauvinism. By pushing Trump into a corner and demanding that he display his most bellicose self, or be ceaselessly mocked as a “puppet” and minion of Russia, a lesser power, the War Party and its media and clandestine services have created a perfect storm of mayhem that may consume us all.— Glen Ford, Editor in Chief, Black Agenda Report
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